The realisation that my brain is fried

I always worry that I’m not using my brain. This cycle of panic and awareness usually occurs in 3 monthly cycles- along with the usual realisation I have gone yet another 3 months without moving my body or changing my lifestyle for the better.  So here I am again realised that my brain has also been unmoved and it’s muscle capacity is of a scrawny white adolescent male.

When I do try and use it, I find myself exhausted after reading a few pages of a book but somehow I can spend endless amounts of time watching trashy tv and scrolling the likes of Facebook news feed. And for what? What do I get out of that? Only the success that my brain has not been used for yet another day.

And when I try and turn this around I’m completely wiped.

That’s when you know you have fucked it. How am I going to go back to uni and study? I’m all like – tonight on night shift I’ll watch documentaries, something educational. And what do I do instead.? Watch some stupid American tv show. I rip on the show to make myself feel better knowing that if I was to be watching something with a greater purpose and something that I would be learning from that I would be puffed by this point trying to keep up with the information. I’m that far behind in concentration stamina that I need something easy to follow in order to keep up. Oh god. I need a nap. And some recommendations on how to activate and train my mush of a brain. This brain needs a gym sesh.

I really am envious of the people that have such motivation and consistency when they try and turn their life around. While I’ll go back to being a brain lump for the next 3 months and then have this same conversation with myself on how to get on top of things. Well hopefully this time I’ll get it right. If you have any advice on how to train the mind, have better concentration and motivation and how to keep consistent then I would love to know. But if not, I guess I’ll see you again in 3 months brain fart.


And yes, I have the time to edit an old photo of my adolescent scrawny boyfriend dressed as a girl to be a brain fart.



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